Ugh, what a crazy couple of days it’s been. My parents now know about my BIID thanks to my wife. As I had said in my previous post, my wife didn’t take the news as well as I’d hoped and she made a post on Facebook about needing someone to talk to. My parents came across the post and gave her a call. I guess as soon as she answered the phone, she burst into tears and told them I want to cut off my leg. I think they thought she must have lost her mind, they couldn’t believe that I would say such a thing.

My mom told her not to worry, she would “get it straightened out” and called me right away. With my dad listening in on the other phone, they asked me what this was about. I broke down and told them that it is a condition called Body Integrity Identity Disorder, that I have felt like this for as long as I can remember, and that there are others out there that feel the same way.  My parents just kept asking why I would want to cut off my leg – I tried to keep calm but it was so frustrating that they were asking me the same questions over and over again. My mom eventually said that it sounds like the woman on The Doctors who poured bleach in her eyes to blind herself. I told her yes, that woman had BIID as well and my mom started to cry.

My dad was pretty quiet and stoic. He told me that I needed to get a handle on this, that it wasn’t fair to Sam and the kids that I was even considering doing something like this and I needed to get Sam back. Both he and my mom told me that I need to talk to Pastor Amy- that she will know what to do to make things right.

I feel so defeated. There is a small sense of relief that everything is now out in the open, that it’s done. The three people I most needed to know about this now do. But I wish their responses were a little bit more encouraging- I need at least a glimmer of hope that they will be able to accept me as I am- even if I have the amputation. I don’t know where to go from here.  I just feel angry.  I can’t believe things turned out this way.