So I finally told my wife about my BIID last night, and it did not go well at all.
She’s known something was up for a while now, but I think she just assumed it had to do with my chronic anxiety, and sure that was part of it, but it’s my BIID that’s become the all-consuming aspect in my life.
Late last night before bed, I finally worked up the courage to confide in her, and I think a big reason behind that was the supportive comments on my blog and private messages that I’ve been getting from all of you. Of course, the last thing I’d do is blame any of you for my wife’s negative reaction, I know that it wasn’t in any of your predictions for how telling her would go.
It’s really hard right now for me to go into detail about how she responded; even though this blog is both anonymous and filled with (mostly) positive readers, I still feel an immense amount of shame and guilt as I’m typing this.
What I will say is, she was very hurt and confused. After I initially told her, we sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Then she asked me if there was anything that she had done to “bring this on”, which just goes to show she had no idea about what’s been going through my mind.
At first she seemed shocked and confused, and then I told her my complete story, including my desire for an amputation and pretending to be in a wheelchair. She became very angry and asked me “how could you do this to our family?”. Within an hour of telling her, she had taken our kids and left to go stay with her parents for a while until I can “sort this out”.
I really don’t want to go into any more detail on here; this is the lowest and most vulnerable point of life that I’ve ever been in, and the last thing I need right now is to read more hate comments. If any of you who’ve supported me have any more questions or concerns, feel free to reach out, you know how to find me.